How To Croak With Class.

Last year, when I commenced to write a blip on death/dying & the responsibility we have to the animals we share our lives with, it was motivated, of course, by Corona. Here we are again & the reality is, it can & will level some of us. Will we: "bite the big one, croak, do the dirty dance" etc...or, will we have a sci-fi hospital stay? I hope we all get along swimmingly & celebrate next year (2022) with aplomb...but for now...

Son-Of-A-Rona is here.

In the spirit of elegant preparedness, here are some suggestions  for going greatly into the good night...(or not...)...

1) Select your responsible party....& be certain that they know they've been selected! This person knows your animals, can identify all of your animals, is fiscally responsible with your funds, is timely, mature & above-board. 

Oh hell.

2) Make 2 copies of your animal's health records, registration papers (if any), feeding protocols, nuances & quirks (example: "Freud will kill any cat found traipsing through the yard") (really Freud???! We will have to examine that...later though...) etc.. Fotograf each animal & make a sheaf for each. Place one set in the 3-ring binder you've got sitting in plain sight atop your desk (& which everyone knows about). Give the other binder to the sainted party described in item #1 (above). Be certain that there is an envelope of cash in binder #2...

This sets the precedent.

2a) In the event you're en hospital, you'll want your animals to have the same excellent attention to detail & care that you've always provided, right? Is Howard actually able to handle the household duties, the extraordinary measures & your animals while you recover?

Is your significant other truly significant? Is now the time to put it to the test? Can you imagine lying supine, on a ventilator, in a netherworld with the following words ringing in your ears? "You love those dogs more than you love ME!" (Yes, Howard, I do).

Whether significant or insignificant...your other may not be the one you choose as pet-parent, ...so, have a chunk of cash set aside for the sainted party above to bend over backwards for you, without falling over backwards for you. Insist upon it.

Howard can go to hell.

3) I've suggested getting metal identification tags pre-ordered with the sainted person's contact info engraved onto the tags...so that (lets say you're on a ventilator...) in the event of estray (or whatever), your animal has a contact. I recommend Red Dingo tags because they'll last more than 3 lifetimes, maybe 4. Even if you don't have dogs & cats collared...in the event the sainted person is transporting, exercising etc...& Fifi gets loose...there's a chance for return, right? The tags can go right into a packet in your 3-ring binder.

3a) Each animal should have a collar & leash, halter & lead etc..for easy transfer from point A-point B. The idea is to make this as seamless as possible...with excellent working equipment. Not baling twine &/or slip-nooses.

4) In the case of one's mortality, I've recommended specific insurance policies with the sainted person as beneficiary...this covers all kinds of fiscal issues which will occur such as: improvements to the sainted person's kenneling, fencing & general infrastructure...(which the burden of your animals compelled). In addition, it covers food, grooming, supplies, maintenance, veterinary, transport, registration, legal & all-sorts. How much does it maintain one dog on a raw diet per year? And, how about a horse? What's the longevity? How much can you afford? Whatever the case, we cannot afford to blight friendships & acts of kindness without assuaging the enormous burdens of our animals...

5) In the event one is en hospital. The sainted person will need either a prepaid debit card, access to your monies, a chunk of cash, a cheque from your attorney etc.. Auto-ship is great for food subscriptions...but be certain that the sainted person has access to your subscription accounts so that modifications & address-changes can be made. This is a must, as food deliveries are perishable & without proper notice, your animal's food foodstuffs may perish while sitting on your palazzo terrace for 2 weeks...but, you detailed all of this in the 3-ring binder, right?

6) Then theres the long-term plan. While the sainted person rocked it in the friend-department, did he/she/they really want to house your 4 dogs forever? What does forever mean?

7) What are the end-of-life dictates for your animals? After you've passed into the aethyr, do you want the sainted person to employ reasonable veterinary care & diagnostics to your animals before opting for euthanol? Do you want them to use their better judgment? What DO you desire?

I don't know what to say about Howard.

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